The Downer

I just don't feel like today is my day.

I am feeling kind of down and I think it is because I have no anchor right now. I am just hanging out, waiting for my time to come. Nothing in my life seems to be going quite the right way.

I guess the weather is pretty awesome. A couple sunny days in a row with great temperatures... can't complain about that. I have been trying to get a fair amount of vitamin D-- mom's orders-- so that means a little bit of laying out. I was enjoying myself (ignoring the cars driving by because the good sun is literally on the sidewalk in front of my house) and then got suddenly attacked by 4 mosquitoes at once.

I. HATE. MOSQUITOES. I am uber allergic to them and my bites swell up to the size of a Sacajawea gold coin. (Are those still in circulation?) Friends of mine know that a mosquito attack for me is the equivalent of an armed robbery for the normal person. I freak out.
I once had to wear socks on my arms for a whole night to keep myself from scratching the chicken pox-esque bites I was rockin. It's like poison pulsing throughout my body. Can anyone else relate?

I guess I should stop taking my mood out on insects and focus on how to turn it around. I am just having a hard time fully adjusting to this life I am living. It's the strangest thing. I am so in the middle of everything to the point where I feel like I am nowhere at all. (They should have cast me for Dawson's Creek!)

I sometimes wonder if Lawrence is where I'm supposed to be. I just feel like I am on the outside of everything. Football games are great, I love the town, obviously I have awesome friends here (and boyfriend); but maybe I was being too ambitious to think that I can have a perfectly fulfilled life here. I'm not hating on people who live in Lawrence permanently and maybe today is just an off day and I could pull a complete 180 opinion tomorrow, but I just don't feel my full potential is at play here for the long term. For the near future, Lawrence is great. It's where I want to be (most of the time) and I am enjoying my day-to-day. I just feel unsettled and I have a liiiiittle bit of cabin fever (er, Lawrence fever?)

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

P.S. I want ice cream.